Saturday, 7 February 2015

In defence of "Budgie Smugglers".

Home Beach and Cylinder Beach - scene of the atrocity.
On Stradbroke Island for a week in January my mate Denis and I got a pasting from our lady friends for having the effrontery to wear our "budgie smugglers", "DTs", "Speedos" on the beach. It seems this once commonplace and practical swimming attire has become persona non grata on Australian beaches. It has been replaced by the incredibly impractical "boardies". "No boy child of mine will be seen displaying his legs between the knee and hips" seems the rule adopted by mothers. Teenagers and young men have followed their mothers advice. Boardies are quite practical if you are actually riding a "board" but useless if you're a "body surfer". What about "drag"? What about 'balloon shorts'? What about being "close to nature"? What about too many "quotation marks"?

I swim therefore .... artwork by Lynne
I blame Tony Abbott (for just about everything). Yes, there was a groundswell of support for board shorts over the fifty year period since everyone wanted to think of themselves as a "surfie". I blame "Gidget" for that short phase even if you haven't heard of Gidget (google "Gidget Goes Hawaiian"). But the Speedo/DT/Budgie Smuggler survived all of that - the surf Lifesaving fraternity never abandoned their "briefs" until Tony made them (and himself) the laughing stock of the world by wearing red Speedos at every opportunity - announcing the scrapping of the carbon tax, knighting Prince Phil, turning back the boats, promising to pay millionaires to look after their babies, shirt-fronting Putin etc.

At key moments he used his red speedos as a distraction technique and the media fell for it. He will, without doubt, be wearing them next Tuesday in his bid to stave off his inevitable demise.There has been more written about his swimming togs than about the plight of refugees on Manus Island.

The result - the community has generalised this animosity to apply to all "budgie smuggler" wearing men - OBSCENE! GET OFF THE BEACH! HOW DARE YOU BE ON THE SAME BEACH AS MY DAUGHTER!
Brothers in Budgies

I'm proud to say that Denis and I (and a few others) refused to be cowed and wore our DTs proudly, even at times doing a set of pushups or yoga stretches to demonstrate how practical and comfortable these swimming trunks are. I note that while men have been trending to wear more voluminous beachware women are on the path to full exposure. Nudity. SHOCK! HORROR!

Finally a couple of definitions:

DTs - (Dick Togs, Australian slang) A form of swimming underwear, used mainly for sporting reasons or by really old seedy men at the beach.

BUDGIE SMUGGLERS - (Australian slang) Any item of male bathing costume or underwear that encloses the wearer's genitalia in a manner that resembles the concealment of a budgerigar (or perhaps a goshawk (my addition).


sarah toa said...

1st Phwoar.
2nd What's with the strategically placed blue towel?
3rd Have you seen an Abbott in budgie smugglers lately? I've only seen him in suits. Pics of him in Speedos and cycling shorts seem to have been relegated back to pre-election days.

Helen said...

Fair enough Steve. Time to reclaim the ever-so-practical budgie smugglers. If you ever become prime minister you might need to rethink your wardrobe to maintain dignified standards etc, but in the meanwhile, I think Australian beach goers will just have to cope.

little hat said...

sarah, V1. mum taught us to be modest on the beach. V2. embarrassed to show what lies behind the towel. V3. look no hands!
V4. My brother not wanting to be shown up by me in the background.

Relyn Lawson said...

This makes me laugh!